Now that he’s sold a few books at the River Oaks/Upper Kirby Borders, ESPN.com’s “Sports Guy” Bill Simmons is back to dissing Houston:
In the past four years, I made four separate trips to Houston and spent a total of 24 days here. And you know why I did it? For you, the reader. I covered the Galleryfurniture.com Bowl, the Super Bowl, baseball’s All-Star Game, and now, the NBA All-Star Game. And you know what? That’s too much freaking time to spend in Houston. My editors just bleeped me, I don’t care. Maybe Houston doesn’t suck any more or less than 20 other major cities, and maybe the people are friendly and likable, but the fact remains, you would never come here for any reason, other than these three:
(1) For work.
(2) To gain weight.
(3) To get shot.You just wouldn’t. And yet, dating back to the Super Bowl XXXVIII in February 2004, three of the last eight major sporting events were held in Houston. Does this make any sense? There are 30 to 35 American cities that could host the Super Bowl and/or either of the All-Star Games … and yet Houston pulled off the Ultimate Pro Sports Trifecta in a 24-month span, despite the fact that it’s a sprawling city with traffic and safety problems (the three intangibles you always want to avoid for major sporting events). Here’s what really frightens me: I have spent so much time here, I actually know my way around. Can I have this information removed from my brain? Is there a pill I can take?
Anyway, I have the following announcement to make: I am never, ever, ever setting foot in Houston again.
Simmons just doesn’t understand. We don’t have a safety problem. We have a dearth-of-surveillance-cameras problem!
It’s hard to get very excited about the rest of it. It just seems like contrived schtick from Simmons. I think he secretly likes Houston.
Thanks to TP for passing it along!
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