The Grand Urinal Bargain of 2014

Image credit: Pixabay

In Modern Houston, where to potty is a problem.

What’s causing the issue is a clause in the proposed non-discrimination ordinance allowing the trans-gendered to use a public restroom of their choosing.

Unfortunately (but thankfully as well), there’s no (legal, public) way to tell whether or not one is REALLY transgendered. Let’s say a child-predator male is willing to put on a dress in order to get into the ladies room and do whatever it is child predators do.  Under the wording in the ordinance, the businesses would be powerless to prevent the child predator from going in. Even more concerning was a clause in the paragraph saying businesses could deny the transgendered access to their preferred bathroom if they had a “good faith belief” that the subject’s transgender (um…ing) was not “genuine.” I’m sorry, but the only real way to tell if a transgendering is “genuine” is either to do a public check of the fun factory, or to request a demonstration. I don’t know about you, but that’s not a job I think would be in high demand.

In short, it’s a mess of a clause in a mess of an ordinance designed primarily to excite the base and position Parker as a civil-rights champion for her eventual statewide political run. It’s a return to business as usual for Parker, who (when campaigning) decides to distance herself from what she has described as “being a GLBT advocate for over 40 years.”

As you can imagine, upon being told of the existence of this paragraph many are upset, angry even, that the public restrooms at Texans games could soon become a new Wild West full of skirted, mustachioed men sitting in stalls waiting for the one across from them to swing open, if only for a second. On the other side of the coin, the humor potential of one not properly equipped trying to navigate a urinal is sadly being overlooked.

These are serious issues however, for serious times! Way more serious than the potholes that threaten to homogenize your children when you drive down Houston’s streets, more serious than HFD brownouts which threaten to transform response times into disasters, and even more serious than addressing Houston’s pension problem, which is always hotly debated but addressed with band-aids over the cancer of future obligations.

This is a big time, and a big issue which Mayor Parker has boldly decided to address by…

…sticking her fingers in her ears and going “Nyah, Nyah, Nayh. I can’t hear you!”

That’s correct.  The grand plan in the issue of who may stand in front of what urinal is to remove the offending paragraph and let HPD sort it out when the inevitable discrimination calls come pouring in.

That’s right, Houston.  While all of these major issues are still unaddressed, your elected leaders are focusing on who can pee where and, for the most part, doubling down with needless legislation that cannot override, and/or is made duplicitous by, State and Federal law.